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so the Air Force decided to send me to Alpena, Michigan for a week on Monday. Should be fairly interesting except that the county only has around 12,000 people in it and was voted the number one place to retire. Yikes. At least I’ll be debt free when I get out. Exciting!
Oh, and the water looks gorgeous.
One of my best friends has always had people coming up to her and comparing her to 1 of 3 celebrities and 1 of 3 celebrities only. You decide:
Zooey Deschanel
Megan Fox
Neve Campbell
okay okay, so I hate Neve Campbell comparisons.
Zooey wins I guess?
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So this is long overdue…
the semester came to a close on the 16th but I found out my grades about two days ago. I was pretty surprised how well I did. My Psychology professor decided at the last minute to drop my three lowest quiz grades (which were 0’s from my father’s accident) and initially told me I had an 86. My final record shows a 96 and I couldn’t be more thrilled.
This puts my gpa at a 3.9…I hate you Music Appreciation for giving me a “C” and fucking up my academic career.
Now to salvage the rest of my summer.
working on my world civilizations essay. I didn’t expect it to take that long but who knew resources on Benito Mussolini were scarce! In any event, I didn’t get a chance to get my haircut professionally so I asked my roommate Michelle to do it and this is the final result:
BEFORE:
AFTER:
not too shabby.
saved me 30 bucks!
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that compares to the smell and love of my mother.
i will never forget it for all of the days i have on this earth.
i love you mom.
I don’t really understand how everything is so cyclical. It’s like, one day you’re completely jaded and hating everything about your circumstances; wishing and hoping that you can change it even temporarily; and seemingly out of nowhere things just become perfect again. I’ve never been in a relationship with another guy. A relationship that is determined by the nights where you just get some ice cream (or mango sorbet in my case…yum) or some shitty Chinese takeout and just watch The Office or some amazing zombie or foreign film. I guess my real complex derives from within my own self-confidence. Every single guy I have ever dated (and I mean dated in a real sense of the word) has either a) gone back to their ex-boyfriend who just came back from the dead b) found someone that captivated their interest far more than me and just bailed out or c) I dated them for a while and realized that I just wasn’t as interested as I thought. I guess maybe I never really saw anything more than a few weeks with them and I wanted to be fair. I’m not saying I haven’t made mistakes, far from it. Sometimes I just wrap myself up in people; I think that is the greatest/worst thing I could do for myself. From a counseling aspect, the hardships that people face, that they entrust me with some sense of moral duty to be able to tell me their most intimate thoughts and look to me to guide their circumstances. (I stray from giving ‘advice’ because I feel it is not an appropriate way for people to work on their own problems and there is a expectancy bias that they will conform to what you told them to do) My friends both personal and those that just need help become all the affirmation I need that what I am doing is right for myself. Not because I need some sense of validation, but because the immense gratification they receive from someone who is able to connect to them and illicit a sense of empathy is the greatest gift I could ever provide them. I guess it gets to be a bit difficult sometimes because I want that counteracting force; that balance in my life whose mere presence is enough to keep me at a steady pace. That being said, I think I’ve developed a crush on a particular someone. He’s a fantastic person who’s interests mirror mine to the point where we can literally finish each other’s sentences. I am more hesitant than ever though and I’ve learned the lessons of the past to be able to make the correct decisions for myself. It’s hard enough to get to a point where I feel something more than a strong friendship with someone. I am dedicated to making my life a representation of the beauty in the human condition whether it is through my occupation, through humanitarian work, or just being the best husband/father/etc I can be. My hope is that I leave an impression above all else. All humans need the assurance that they will be remembered for something more than a physical presence on this earth. I intend to make that happen for myself because I care very deeply for people even if they feel they should not afford me with the same privilege.
My roommate left me for a couple of days to take care of things at home. So is life.
This is my last week of classes.
I have to read Moby Dick as one of my final American lit assignments (a compressed version as I’ve heard the regular book is long to an unbearable fault)
There is always a sense of sadness when you see someone so able to give himself or herself to someone else in a manner that isn’t selfish or boastful.
You wish it for yourself but know that it may not come, that the train you had been waiting on acts in a way like the watch you don’t keep around anymore.
How powerful is the human emotion? So powerful that when you observe people in perfect equilibrium to one another that the most you can do is resort to two bewildering forms of self-identity:
Resentment and internal jealousy, a narcissism that is defined by the toy that you should have, that the other children never got to play with; or a helplessness, your own personal institutionalized cruelty that you’ve accepted and learned “is the way things have got to be.”
And there you are, sitting in a purgatory of sorts as your age dwindles down to yet another year you watched the fireworks alone or promising yourself that the years to come are the best of your life.
The greatest disappointment we could ever face for ourselves beyond making the right decision at the most inconvenient of times transgresses all of this; it is the failed opportunity; The chance to capitalize on the instant for whatever reason.
What separates our actions from our emotion is that opportunity. It is what keeps us up at night, what makes that picture of the Other stand out more than it ever has.
There is no redeemable quality in the Other anymore; no real reason to hold on except the constant memories and a reminder that they were your failed opportunity and greatest undertaking.
This has to be solved. Where is the solution? I will get back to you when I know.
I am my own Ahab now and the weight of my grief is greater.
Sinking.
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my roommate and i.
you rule michelle.